forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
