you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
