one might say we're banned from that church
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
