He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you will always have a special place in my vag
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
