He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
