i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
