He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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