is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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