haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
