WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
