I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
