I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
