There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
as a side note pls kill me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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