NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
