you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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