i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
