i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
