it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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