i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
