Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
