Swine flu. Run for my life!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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