My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
