Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
