The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
