No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
