I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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