So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
