OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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