she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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