dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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