i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
