OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
