woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
