I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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