I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
