i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Im part way to drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
