Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
