I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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