he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
