I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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