called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
