hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I intend to get homeless drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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