What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
