well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She bit a glass in half.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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