I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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