I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
