Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
