just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
