She is in my trunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
