How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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