Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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