I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
