last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
