My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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