Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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