This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
