How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
