her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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