Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
