before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize