Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
