You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
that may or may not have been my penis.
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