You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
