Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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