she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
